nothing from nothing...

nothing from nothing...

                                                Billy Preston 1974

  At a recent family get together of three of the four George Brothers, Carl asked me at the dinner table how I would interpret the success of Seinfeld's TV sitcom.  I was just starting to delve into one of my favorite ethnic dishes when his question diverted my attention.

  HUH?  What's up with that? 

  What brought that up, I questioned.  It's been how many years since that show went into reruns? 

  Oh, nothing.  I was thinking about your blog, he countered.  

  To answer your question, my shot-in-the-dark guess? Well, it was about LIFE situations, I retorted. 

  You're close, he said.  It was really about nothing.  Situations that didn't amount to anything.  Think about it.  All of those times we laughed?  It was about nothing.  

  Yeah, youngest brother, Ken, joined in.  I remember an episode with Jerry and George sitting in the diner planning a show about nothing.  That was it, the total show was about nothing.  

  For the rest of the meal and between idle chitchat, I imagined some of my favorite Seinfeld episodes and concluded my brothers were right.  I knew there was more to come from both siblings. 

  So, why don't you do a blog about nothing, Carl asked? 

  Hmm, never thought of it, I threw out.

  I've got some ideas, he responded.  

  Okay, tell me what's on your mind, I offered.  

  Ask your readers what's up with those LED light bulbs with a 22.8 year lifespan, but burn out in six months, he stated.  But, what do I know?  I'm just a consumer.  Confused, but a consumer.

  Yes, I agreed.  I see where you are going.  What else comes to mind?  

  So many things, he answered.  Have you ever bought paper towels? 

  Sure, I said.  Many times.  I'm a Sparkle man myself.   

  We're strictly Bounty in this house, Ken added, but, when it comes down to it, the brand is nothing. 

  Well, have you ever tried to figure out the best value, Carl countered?  Your Sparkle or Bounty is probably like what I buy.  Who can figure out just what it is you're buying.

  Because of the sizing, you mean, I queried. 

  Of course, he assured me.  6 equals 8, 8 equals 16, 16 equals 32, half sheets, whole sheets, tear your own sheets.  You talk about confusing, that whole deal is geared to keep us guessing which one is the better buy.  

  Knowing my brother is a CPA, I figured at some point he had worked out which paper products were the most cost efficient to purchase. 

  Toilet paper is the same way.  Have you ever tried to just buy the best value of any of those brands, I asked.   

  Nobody can understand the true cost of any of them, Carl surmised.  I've tried to go by sheets, rolls, doubles, singles, you name it and I've tried to work it out.  Here's another one.

  I envisioned myself traversing the supermarket aisles trying to figure out packaging, weight, quantities and prices of various products. 

  There are a lot of different items, but which one are you thinking about, Ken asked? 

  Lobster tails, Carl rejoined.  My store had them on sale.  They advertised two for six dollars and they weighed four to six ounces each.   Well, guess what?

  They didn't weigh what they advertised, I guessed.  

  Close, he admitted.  The meat weighs less than half of the weight of the tail.  The rest of it is the shell! I thought I was buying at least four ounces of lobster meat, but I got about two and a half ounces.  

  It's the same thing in a restaurant, Ken ventured.  A six ounce tail includes the three or four ounce shell.  

  Oh, sure, voiced Carl.  But, if you're dining out, do you really know what six ounces of any food on your plate looks like? Of course not.  We accept what's put in front of us.  

  Pretty soon, nothing is exactly what will be in potato chip bags, they're half empty now, Ken chipped in.  

   Those potato chip bags are easily one-third empty.  Wouldn't you really rather buy a smaller bag, but have it full to the top, Carl probed?

  I just read an article about that very subject, Ken contributed.  It's called shrinkflation.  The makers of all these products love it because they say consumers don't notice smaller quantities, but we see price increases right away.  

  That's what I'm telling you.  The dumb, confused consumer.  Smaller toilet paper rolls, shrinking candy bars, less potato chips in the bag, Carl said.  Those manufacturers have been doing that for years.  They can either increase prices, or, put less volume in the product.  

Ken had another example.  We had a neighbor's son who came over selling World's Finest Chocolate Bars.  Remember them?  Well, they are 50% of what they used to be and the same price as when we sold them back in the day. 

  I sold those two or three times to raise money, but I don't remember the cause, I offered.

  That's nothing, Carl implied. I sold them too and now my grandkids are selling them to me and like Ken said, they have half the candy in each one.

  Coffee and ice cream are a couple more, Ken enlightened us.  

  Sure, I added.  I thought I was buying a half gallon of Baskin Robbins ice cream, but, it's far less.  And, my Maxwell House French Roast used to come in a two pound container.  Now, it's a lesser amount too. 

  Well, boys, this is all very interesting, but it doesn't mean a thing.  It's nothing, really.  How did we get started on this anyway, asked Carl? 

  You brought up Seinfeld, I said. 

  Hey, wouldn't it be neat if Seinfeld read this, Ken joked.  

  Naw, he's not going to read this, Carl imagined.  He wouldn't be interested.  This has been all about nothing.  No substance at all. All this talk and what have we really figured out?  Nothing.  Seinfeld read this?  Naw, nothing doing.   

  Coming up:  more POS; another Oddities, observations, and OMGs, and; meet another job$ somebody's gotta do.    

  And, finally, these words from comedian Jerry Seinfeld.

  I am so busy doing nothing that the idea of doing anything, which as you know leads to something, cuts into the nothing and then forces me to drop everything. 

I am so busy doing nothing… that the idea of doing anything – which as you know, always leads to something – cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.I am so busy doing nothing… that the idea of doing anything – which as you know, always leads to something – cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.