we say the darndest things...

 we say the darndest things...

                 

  The late radio and television host, Art Linkletter, created and hosted a radio program in 1945 called, House Party.  A portion or segment of House Party was named, Kids Say the Darndest Things.  A television adaption of  Kids....aired from 1952 to 1969.  

  The television version of Kids Say the Darndest Things highlighted young children on stage sitting in chairs, side by side.  Mr. Linkletter would interview his guests individually and most times get comical, off beat, off the wall, or, philosophical answers to mundane as well as pointed questions. 

  Choose any day of the week, any time, any place, and it is not just kids who say the darndest things.  

  In a previous blog titled, anytime you deal with the..., I highlighted several conversations with customers which took place during my parttime, second, Encore Performance, at a business owned by a friend of mine. This post is a sequel to that July 22, 2022 blog. 

  Perhaps these stories aren't as funny, awkward, or silly as they were in real time, but, they were memorable because we say the darndest things.  

  A regular weekly customer who always comes in wearing sunglasses no matter the weather conditions, was my first customer on this particular day.  

  During prior visits, this character had been a surly, unfriendly type who never spoke to anyone. For reasons unknown, I was determined to make him smile just once.  My vehicle of choice to break down the brick wall?  The brilliant 1960s Foster Grant Sunglasses ad campaign. The exchange between the two of us was very short as he approached to settle his fee.  

  Hi. Who's that behind those Foster Grants?

  Foster Grant?  What's that? he snarled. These are Ray Bans.  

  He didn't smile when he said it and I immediately sensed my mission had failed.  Of course they were Ray Bans.  This guy was born 25 years after that ad campaign. 

  A woman wearing old lady shoes who looked to be in her 50s uttered a flat out true statement.

  You all went up in prices since I've been here, she said confidently.  

  I am guessing it has been a while since you've been here because it has been two years since we had a price increase.  

  Well, I'd have been here sooner if it wasn't for all this rain, she retorted as she smiled and walked away. 

  A middle aged woman in a bright green and yellow dress was looking through the inventory of floor mats which were hanging on a metal rack.  She unhooked a set of mats from the display and held them up for a closer inspection.  

  Her choice was a tri-color, diagonal, crisscross pattern, which was a bit unusual and that is being kind.

  Not one of those colors, much less the design, matches anything in your car or outside your car, her riding partner told her. 

  That doesn't matter, the apparent car owner replied.  They will be on the floor.  Who is going to see them?  

  She bought the floor mats. 

  A few months ago, a customer approached me holding up a set of floor mats and I assumed she was ready to make a purchase.

  That will be 19.99 plus tax.

  You are in a big hurry there, aren't you? she responded

  Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were ready to check out.

  No, I just have a question.  Tell me, where do these go? she asked

  Well, they are floor mats.

  I know that, she spit out.  What I don't know is which ones are for the front and which ones are for the back?

  I related the proper positioning of the front and rear mats and she seemed content with my explanation. Then again, maybe she wasn't all that pleased because she didn't buy the floor mats.   

  An apparent first time customer asked me where she is supposed to wait while her car was going through the cleaning process.  I explained the procedure, then she had a follow up:

  Will the towels you use to dry my car scratch the paint? she inquired. 

  No, why would you ask a question like that?

  Because other places do and I stopped going there.  When I get my car home after washing it, I always dry it off some more and I see little scratches, she stated.

  When you dry your car off at home, do you use a dry towel or damp towel?

  Well, dry of course.  Why would I use a damp towel to dry off my car? she huffed. 

  I assured her our towels were safe for her car's finish.  

  I didn't think this particular customer would appreciate me telling her to use a damp towel to dry her car, but, it was all hands on deck.  I detailed how those scratches could have come from using a dry towel.  

  My assumption was correct. She didn't approve of my suggestion. The lady concluded her business with me and said she didn't think I understood her problem and walked out the door.  

  One bright, sunny day last spring, the temperature was around 75.  

  A man pulled up to the curb of the building in what appeared to be a brand new Tesla.  It was an unusual move because 99.9% of all customers get in line for the first step of the wash process and I am not the first person they see.  He walked in the main door like he was on a mission.

  I've got an expensive car out there. Does your equipment touch my car? he asked me. 

  Yes, but, we don't use brushes.  Only cloth will touch your car. We wash every make of car on the road, so, your expensive car will be safe.  

  Doesn't matter, he rejoined.  Something touches my car, so it can't be good.

  I would suggest you will probably be washing your car by hand because all car washes pretty much use the same technology.

  It doesn't really matter, he discounted me.  I know there's a touchless wash somewhere, but, obviously it's not here.  

  As he turned to go through the door, I needlessly thanked him for stopping by to check with us.  

  A dark green, two-seater sports car was being driven out of the tunnel by our driver as it finished the wash cycle.  A man, who apparently owned the nifty little machine, left the last viewing window closest to where the car exited the tunnel and walked within eight feet of where I was standing.

  Can I ask what soap you use? he queried.

  Olay Body Wash. It has a watermelon scent. 

  No, no, he rejoined,  I meant on the cars.

  Sorry. I don't really know the brand of soap.  

  Oh, he looked at me.  I thought it might be something I've heard of.

  You mean like Tide or Cheer?

  Yeah, something like that..  I was asking because my car is so clean, I was going to go buy some of it, he offered.

  Well, we've got a 100 gallon drum I could sell you or you will just have to come back here another time.

  He laughed as he walked out the door.  

  One day last July, it had been a grueling day for the crew because the temperature was in the mid 90s and the humidity was even higher.  Everyone working outdoors was tired and looking forward to a long shower at home  

  Just as we were about to close, the telephone rang.  I answered by identifying the business.  A man's voice asked me:

  How late are you open? 

  We close in about two minutes.

   Could you do me a favor and stay open until I get there? he was hoping.

  How far away are you?

  I'm 12-13 minutes out, he replied.

  Sir, there are 14 people on the clock, so I don't think we could do that.  Besides, these folks have been working hard all day and they are ready to get out of here. 

  If you stay open I'll tip them good, he said making one last futile attempt.

  Coming up:  another POS; memories from a Korean War veteran; an oddities, observation, & ?'s, and; another job$ somebody's gotta do.

  And, finally. Peter Sellers, Louis Jordan, Carroll Baker, Claudia Cardinale, Elke Sommer, Anita Ekberg, Vittorio Gassman, Anthony Quinn, Mia Farrow, Robert Goulet, Julie Christie, Woody Allen, O.J. Simpson, Raquel Welch, Terence Stamp, Clayton Moore, and Vanessa Redgrave all appeared in television and/or magazine ads for Foster Grant Sunglasses.  

  Of course, Who's that behind those Foster Grants? was the catch phrase. It seemed everyone in America was asking the question of anyone wearing sunglasses. 

  I have always thought Foster Grant's campaign and Wendy's, Where's the Beef, commercials were two of the all-time greats.

   In 2000, Foster Grant revived Who's that behind those Foster Grants? and featured Jeff Gordon and Cindy Crawford.       

  HUH?  What's up with that?