pan this...
There are times when a simple task can become a jumble of mass confusion.
HUH? What's up with that?
Last October, I went to Macy's, Dillard's, Target and Kohl's Department Stores to check out a wide range of cookware and it turned into a futile exercise that defies logic.
It wasn't my intent to purchase pots and pans, merely to look into the approximate cost. I was serving as an advance scout for Regina.
A few days after that pointless excursion, we were in Indianapolis attending a birthday celebration held at Hollyhock Hill on north College Avenue.
Before the platters of chicken, bowls of mashed potatoes, corn, beans and salad with a vinegary dressing were brought to the tables, I was standing with my brothers, Dave, Carl, and, Ken, discussing life's challenges and other useless gibberish. The following is roughly what transpired.
I wonder if we are going to get the same server we always do? Dave queried.
We'll probably get Jimmy, I guessed. We seem to always wind up with him.
Do you think they really use iron skillets to fry the chicken here? Carl asked.
Well, they say they do, but, who knows? Dave questioned. It does make you wonder.
While you are wondering, think about this. Who was the first person to ordain chicken fried in an iron skillet the holy grail of fried chicken? Carl quizzed us.
I'll do some research and get back to you on that, Dave promised.
I just bought a cast iron skillet at Costco, 16 bucks, Ken said proudly.
Did you know there is a cast iron skillet museum in Tennessee? I pointed out. You would probably really enjoy that.
Yessir, I would, Ken replied sarcastically. That would be a lot of fun walking around looking at cast iron skillets.
I can't imagine going to something like that, Dave countered, especially if you have to pay to get in the place.
Here's an idea! One of us could walk into the kitchen and act like we are looking for the bathroom, Ken suggested. Then, just look around and see firsthand what kind of skillets they use.
Yeah, like that would work, Carl scoffed. When would you tell the chef you didn't see the sign that says, Employees Only?
Speaking of iron skillets reminds me. Have any of you guys ever shopped for cookware? I threw out.
You mean like pans and skillets? Ken wanted to know.
Well, yes, you know, a set of cookware, I answered.
We did that about two years ago, Carl said. It was a total nightmare.
You got that right, Ken concurred. Jody and I were looking a while back. My head is still spinning from that ordeal.
David, remember back in the day when you were in college and you sold Wear-Ever Cookware door to door? I asked.
Sure, he grinned. We advertised waterless cooking. You still had to use water, just less of it.
Well, that's all history, I revealed. In fact, waterless cooking isn't even on the radar.
We bought Cuisinart, Carl told us. It is called, Classic Stainless Steel, but, I don't have a clue if it is better than any of the others. We might be dealing with a subjective issue here. All I know is it is classic and that's why I bought it.
I don't even know what Classic cookware should look like, Ken replied. We went with Green Pan, Diamond-Enhanced, Ceramic Non-Stick.
In other words, neither one of you guys have any idea of what you bought, I deduced.
Remember that set of pans and skillets mom had? Dave brought up.
She didn't really have a set per se, Ken responded. They were a hodge podge of metal containers. All of the bottoms were scorched and they were impossible to clean on the outside.
Yeah, every one of them had nicks, gouges and scratches inside them too, Dave added. Come to think of it, how safe were those things to eat out of?
Well, we are all still here, so, I guess they weren't that bad, I concluded.
I remember when we were looking for pans, the choices were so many and we didn't have an inkling what they were really made of, Ken said.
I remember one sign above a set at Target that said, Free of PFAS,PFOA, Lead and Cadium, I interjected. What are they talking about?
That's right along with the ones at Macy's that claimed, Made without PTFE, Carl offered.
Does that mean all the old school pans had all of that stuff in them? Ken wondered.
And then, there's all the different surfaces, I threw in. I looked at Healthy Ceramic, Ceramic Coating, Granite Ceramic...
Ken interrupted me and continued the litany. Non-Stick Aluminum, Non-Stick Hard Anodized, Mineral Shield Non-Stick Technology, Aqua Shield Non-Stick Technology, Triple Layer Non-Stick.
Those pans are like Trump, Carl surmised. Nothing sticks.
Remember when the press called Reagan, The Teflon President? Ken recalled. Nothing stuck to him either, remember?
Man, Teflon is old school, I blurted. We are in the age of anodized, ceramic, non-stick.
From what you guys are telling me, I don't understand any of this cookware stuff, Dave admitted.
I can't blame the advertising and say it was misleading because I don't know what the advertising even meant, concluded Ken.
I found a set that said it was professional cookware, I interjected. Does that mean they have amateur cookware for people like me?
Hey, there's Jim, Carl jumped in. It looks like he's getting our table ready. Let's ask him if the chicken here is fried in an iron skillet. We can settle that issue right now.
Good idea, brother. Pardon me, Jim. Can you tell us if the chef uses iron skillets to fry the chicken? Dave asked.
Oh, yeah, he does, Jim said eagerly. But, do you want to know the best part?
Of course, we replied in unison.
Our cookware doesn't have any PFAS, PFOA , PTFE, lead or cadium. Isn't that great?
Uh, yeah, Jim. That's just great, Ken agreed.
Coming up: another job$ somebody's gotta do; a POS; an oddities, observation, & ?'s, and; a conversation with a motorcycle outlaw turned evangelist.
And, finally. According to DSL.com, Traditional frying with oil has been around since ancient Mesopotamian times, and deep-frying was invented almost as long ago.
Deep-fried dough originated around modern-day Israel, which included areas such as the West Bank, Gaza, Jordan, southern Syria, and southern Lebanon.
HUH? What's up with that?
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